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Tuesday, 8 March 2016

Being your true self

You, the people, have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.
The Great Dictator (1940)

A few nights back now I was listening to Paolo Nutini on YouTube, and happened to be listening to his live version of Iron Sky - if you haven't heard it, please stop reading now, go listen here, then come back. You're welcome. I then ended up listening to the whole speech from The Great Dictator... again, go here to listen.

It really made me stop and think about life. Here on my blog, I try to keep things upbeat and postive, as let's face it, there is enough negativity online as it is. But I've learnt that it's important (for me) to acknowledge when times have been tough. I haven't been feeling myself for a long time. I've felt myself becoming withdrawn, negative, antisocial (more so than usual for my introverted self) and just not in a very good place really, for reasons I won't bore you with here. I reverted back to old (bad) eating habits, consuming too much junk food and sugary drinks, and not looking after myself properly... I can't remember the last time I had a haircut, and the state of my wardrobe is shocking. I don't even remember painting my nails properly in the last 6 months which is something I used to adore doing; I'd spend a good hour or so giving myself a manicure at least once a week. And the cherry on top? I've slipped into my old ways of spending, making completely unnecessary purchases which 99% of the time leave me feeling ashamed and guilty.

The worst part of this is I've been beating myself up over it, even though truth be told, the last couple of years have felt like an uphill struggle. But you know what that speech made me realise? Real life is hard. Shitty things happen. But we have to move on. We have to get over it, or what is the point? Life is for living, not dwelling on things, or worrying about everything. I've had to accept that we cannot control everything, but we can control how we react and how we let things affect us.

So from now on, I'm going to make a conscious effort to make my life a wonderful adventure. I am responsible for my own happiness, and I will not allow my happiness to depend on the way other people behave or their opinions of me. It's time to find the person I used to be and embrace who I really am, and be the kind of person I want to be. Not everyone you meet will like you. And that's OK. I will leave you with this...

Sometimes you need to step outside, clear your head and remind yourself of who you are. And where you wanna be. And sometimes you have to venture outside your world in order to find yourself.
Gossip Girl

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